On Julie’s life
26 Mar 2012 1 Comment
Here bring your wounded hearts, here tell your anguish; earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal. -Thomas More
Julie was a lover of life. She was at times impetuous, because she ran at life with arms wide open. She was a welcome addition to any gathering, because in fact, she was the party! She loved to laugh, and that’s how I remember her, always laughing. Jules was transparent; she never pretended to be anything that she wasn’t, a quality lacking by many today. She was tender hearted, always thinking of others, even to a fault. She was generously giving, of her time and her resources. She had a gentle spirit. That same spirit is praised in Lily, and she comes by it honestly from her mom. She was mischievous, always something up her sleeve. If you’ve ever been around Noah, you know that he has this quality as well! Julie was approachable, accepting of everyone, even to a fault. She always saw the good in the person, never passing judgment on anyone. She was a learner, while she had been handed hard circumstances in many ways, she always tried to learn from the situation. She attempted to learn from her mistakes, and she owned them, with no blame passed on to anyone. She was courageous. Some define courage as: sharing your story wholeheartedly, Julie embodies this. She fought her battles never giving in when many would have long ago thrown in the towel. She struggled openly, without pretense, allowing us, her friends, to labor with her in prayer and support, love and grace. She was a loyal friend, consistently affirming friendships, graciously loving as she herself was loved. She was grateful. She knew the blessings of her support system, her friends and especially her mom and dad, who went above and beyond, extending their seemingly unending love for her. She is loved. She is loved by all of us that she leaves behind. But we are grateful, that we knew and were known by her, that we loved and were loved by her. And most of all, we are grateful that she now walks in full restoration and freedom, with the One who loves her most.
Jules, you are loved and missed.
nikki and jess
on poop and gratitude.
24 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
This year we have much to be thankful for. As we do around this time each year, everyone gets a little reminiscent thinking about the blessings each of us have received. We have above and beyond everything that we need, so I thought I would just document a few of the things Scott and I are thankful for. (Yes- he is actually sitting beside me.) This is our first co-writing experience, and if we don’t divorce over it, we may try it again!
1. Each other. We are crazy about each other. Also, we make each other crazy.
2. Spray-n-wash. I should invest in their stock.
3. Hair straighteners. Thank you Jesus. Seriously. I probably wouldn’t have a husband or any friends without it.
4. Door locks. Keeping certain children from themselves.
5. Our giant outdoor trashcan. It resides in my kitchen. Attractive? no. Practical? YES.
6. Scott’s semi-flexible schedule allowing him to attend kid’s doctor appointments and special events.
7. Baby wipes. That we buy in bulk from Target.
8. Air conditioning in November. What the what Arkansas?
9. Our family, in-laws, faith family, all who have been such a huge support to us on our journey in recent years. We couldn’t do this without them.
10. Best friends. Small in number, huge in our hearts.
11. Our vehicles. They take us far and fit all our chillins.
12. Scott being in the country, specifically this country and living in our home. We do not take this for granted.
13. Funny kids. They make us laugh, they make each other laugh. Which is good, we obviously appreciate humor.
14. iPhones. We have the world at our fingertips where ever we go. Not a need, but definitely fun to have.
15. 7:30 Bedtimes. Yes, and Amen.
16. Patience in potty training. And I’m just going to name it and claim it. And then I’ll be thankful for it.
And that is just the beginning. We are so blessed. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. May we be known as a grateful group!
n & s
Q-Tips and the hearing the voice of God
08 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
It didn’t actually start with the q-tips, it actually started with the toilet paper. We were almost out of tp in the bathroom, so as we were both getting ready one morning, I pointed it out to Scott and asked him to grab a few rolls for us. He said he would. I really didn’t think much about it until I was in a…we’ll say…compromising position. And I look at the half of a sheet that is stuck to the empty cardboard roll, and I remembered an agreement we had earlier. I was mad. Yep, I was, it’s not spiritual or nice, or even civil really, I was ticked that I was forced into a drip-dry situation. Somebody knows what I’m talking about. The rotten part was that hubs was at work, so I couldn’t even yell at him about it. Or pout. Well I could pout, but no one would see me, so what’s the point of that? Well I cooled down a little after I jumped out of the shower and as I was getting ready, I realized that I had just used the last q-tip. Now, granted we had more under the counter, but I really didn’t want to go to all that trouble because I knew who the next person would be to need one. And it wouldn’t be me. And I also knew how he hates being without a q-tip, kind of anal about it really. I realized this was perfect payback. Ha ha! I got him. He shirked his duties and it put me out, now I would get him back. It was glorious. Then I heard that still small voice. “For Pete’s sake, just fill up the q-tip jar.” I really hate it when the Holy Spirit ruins my fun. I was disturbed thinking that I actually had to do something nice for someone who had just been very NOT helpful to me. Then I was disturbed thinking that the Holy Spirit said “for Pete’s sake.” I’m not totally sure, but I think He must be kind of irritated to use the phrase. So, I did. I refilled the jar, then had a good laugh about how stupid and petty I truly am. Then I had a better laugh telling Scott about it, and how I tried to be mean to him but God wouldn’t let me. I mean really, Nikki, Geez. Like don’t I have enough going on, enough to think about, enough children to take care of, that I don’t really need to be spending the time or energy worrying about paying back my normally sweet and thoughtful man because he forgot to refill the tp roll? Yeah. It just is what it is. Not so perfect, lest I forget. But I did obey. This time…
A big time biker…
06 Sep 2011 6 Comments
Well, it seems I am a biker. No, not a cyclist. A biker. The hard-core kind. The bandana wearing kind. See what I mean?
Hard-core at its finest
We’ll call it my mid-life crisis. Or my husband-left-me-with-a-baby-for-a-year crisis. Whatever. Granted, I’m a little nuts. ( Not new.) I’ve always loved motorcycles, Dad has had one for as long as I can remember. In fact, he had built a Harley trike from the ground up…which he later sold to get me my first car. Father of the year, anyone?! So, I’ve been around them, and always kind of secretly wanted to ride one myself. For a while I quenched the urge with riding behind someone, Dad, or Scott, anyone who would take me! But now it seems I have succumbed to the irresistable call of the open road. In other words, I found this used little bike really cheap and I bought it.
I think motorcycles give us the illusion of freedom, and maybe that’s why I’m drawn to it. I’m a little bit commitment phobic. Ask my friends, or hubs, they will tell you it’s true. I still wake up some days and cannot believe that I got married. Not like I don’t want to be, I very much do, it’s just kind of shocking that I actually got the nerve to say vows…forever feels like such a long time! And now I have this forever husband, who may indeed live with me again it seems, and a rotten endearing little child who rarely lets me out of his sight, and now an adoption on the horizon. I have lots of church commitments and bible study commitments, and women’s ministry commitments, the list just goes on and on. And it is all stuff I like, no, it’s all stuff that I love to do and be involved in and committed to. It’s just that sometimes the circumstances of my life feel a little overwhelming at times, and I just don’t know how I’m going to get it all done. So I need a tiny escape. And I found it. It just takes a little time on this two-wheeled delight to get me back in the zone, refocused and ready to take on life and all of the commitments.
I know you must be dizzy with excitement and have so many questions for me about motorcycles, since I’m obviously an expert…. so here are a few things I have learned in my one whole week as a motorcycle owner.
1. Motorcycles do not turn like 4-wheelers. Get on one and try it I dare you.
2. Bikers do not smile so huge. I kept catching myself beaming from ear to ear going down the road and I feel like that may not be the image of a true biker. Be cool Lang, be cool. Not to mention that the chances of bugs getting in your teeth are greatly multiplied.
3. All bikers are in a club. They wave to one another every time they meet on the road. Not to be confused with a big dorky wave, it is a one or two-fingered wave lowered on the left side of your bike as you approach. I mean I wish someone taught a class on this.
4. Gravel is not your friend.
5. Wear a helmet. I probably should have put that as number one. I don’t care who you are, or what your lame reasoning is, if you do not wear a helmet you are an idiot. The end.
6. Do not wear loose-fitting clothing, especially shirts. It will fly over your head and momentarily blind you.
7. Oh and real bikers probably don’t let their moms take pics like that of them. But it was my first day to ride it, and we have a collection of pictures from all of my firsts. I have the first day of school, my first day I registered for college classes, my first year of school…as a teacher…I know, it’s getting more and more lame, but you know, it’s who we are.
You are welcome for this wealth of knowledge. And if you should happen to meet me on the road, I’ll be busy trying not to smile.
a peeve or two or ten
27 Aug 2011 7 Comments
“Why I am blogging again, two days in a row,” you ask? “Well, there is a mountain of laundry I’m avoiding,” I reply. I was thinking today about things that make me nuts, and I just wondered exactly how weird I actually am. Let me hear from you, yes, I mean all 4.5 of you, I want to know if you share any of these pet peeves or is it just me?
1. Mouth noises. Under this category falls the smacking, popping, or general misuse of gum or any food. I distinctly remember dropping a certain friend off out of my car-on a dirt road-at night- alone- because they wouldn’t stop smacking their gum. You know who you are.
2. Mark Schultz. Don’t get me started. Don’t even get me started.
3. Repeating myself. I really hate that, and I have no idea why.
4. Mumblers. Or super low talkers. For pete’s sake, speak up!
5. Self promoters. Especially in ministry positions. Not saying it’s ungodly, or a crime or whatever, it’s just not my thing.
6. Joel Osteen. Let’s don’t get all theological, the man has a mullet. You cannot trust a man with a mullet. Ever.
7. People who take the speed limit literally. Self explanatory.
8. Children named Gavin-who throw their milk cup under my car seat-that then spill-but I don’t find until a week later-after which I scrub the carpet and remove the mat -but the smell is still so bad that I drive Scott’s truck for a week. I mean, if that ever were to happen…
9. Did I mention smacking?
10. People who develop accents when visiting spanish speaking countries, or mexican restaurants. I may or may not have a relative this applies to. I’ll never tell. Unless you pay me.
11. People who read EVERY billboard as we travel on family vacations. This happened a lot as a child, but still occurs every once in a while. It is also a close family member, but different from the one mentioned in #10.
OK, I’m going to limit it to ten because I really do have to fold those stinking clothes. Gavin is out of shorts to wear and I’m on my last clean tee. Yep, it’s pretty bad. So, am I crazy? Or I am I just the only one admitting that I’m crazy? You tell me. I look forward to your input.
a few final requests…
26 Aug 2011 4 Comments
This has been a crazy hectic week. It started with my Cabot Bible study leadership training (CBS), which was very helpful, and encouraging, and I made some really good connections. It’s good to get outside the v-town circle sometimes, you know, expand your horizons. I learned a lot, and I didn’t even mind getting up early to do it, which is kind of a miracle. Also HUGE to me, got to meet my kids this week. It was wonderful. Went better than expected with hugs and I love you’s. A bit disappointing is the fact that DHS has just let me know that they cannot find our file. At all. You know, it’s the one that took us 13-14 months to complete? Oh yeah, that one. So, this could mean that we may have to start from scratch. This would be a major, major setback. I’m praying God makes it appear out of thin air, completed on our adoption specialist’s desk. I mean He can do stuff like that, so why not ask? Bottom line, we have to trust God’s timing, and know that what He has called us to do, He will make work.
In other news, today was my aunt’s funeral. All went well, her son Marvin, was able to participate in the service by singing and playing guitar. It was so very sweet. At one point during the worship we were singing about seeing Jesus’ face for the first time, and I look up to see Marv on the front row, three feet from his mother’s casket, with his hands raised. And I thought to myself, that pretty much encapsulates the hope of the believer, that we can stand with hands raised both in worship and in victory, even while looking death square in the face.
I think death makes us all a little reflective. Sometimes we tend to deify the departed, and I won’t do that to my aunt. I have great memories of her, she had a fun spirit, a great sense of humor (clearly genetic), and a servant’s heart (clearly NOT genetic, putting on my list of things to work on.) She was also a huge advocate for Marvin, her son, and his struggle with autism. I can learn much from her. But in some ways, she was also very broken, like so many of us. I can learn from that too. I’m so thankful that she has a relationship with Jesus Christ, and I know that she is whole in every way possible in His presence today.
So, I’ll conclude with a few thoughts on death. You are welcome. I’m very inspiring. Here’s the thing, I want to be found faithful. Ultimate goal: well done, good and faithful servant. Gee, that is brand new. No, it’s not, but it is true. I hope that I will have lived in such a way that my family knows that I know Christ, and there is no doubt that I loved Him and did my very best to serve Him and them. My life should, (notice I said should,) reflect the grace and forgiveness that I have been freely given, as well as compassion for widows and orphans. It should love mercy and justice, and should fight to be a voice for the voiceless. It should walk humbly before my God. It should spend God’s money on things that have lasting value, it should sacrifice time and talent to put others before self, and do all things to edify others. Yeah, glad I said should. I’m a wee bit lacking. But, I think it’s good to remember the ending, it gives purpose to the now. When Gavin is screaming at my face, or throwing a fit, I have to stop and think, ok, is strangling him going to help me achieve my end goal? Of course I’m teasing. The truth is that all the teensy things and moments in my life do add up to something big, they add up to a total redemptive picture. I hope that others will see Christ in it.
So, while I’m on the subject, I’m going to put of few of my last wishes here. I’ve told them to friends and family, but I’m just going to be honest and tell you that I don’t really trust them. I think they will ignore my wishes just to spite me! This is very important, take notes if you think you might forget.
1. Do not, I repeat, do not put me in a dress. If I have to be uncomfortable while rotting, I’m not going to be happy. I will ask God for special permission to haunt the responsible party. Oh, unless it’s an awful prom dress with really puffy sleeves, cause that would be hilarious.
2. Please put a diet coke in one hand and a smiley face Ed’s bakery cookie in the other. Just in case. Please do not try to trick my body with an off-brand cookie. Wal-Mart frosted cookies are NOT the same. It must be from Ed’s, preferably warm.
3. Do NOT let me have a double chin. It’s likely I know. But there is a lot that can be done, like pulling that old skin back in a hair clip or something! Turtle-necks are also an option. For Pete’s sake, tilt my head straight up if you have to! Same haunting caution from #1 applies here.
4. Make me smile. I’m not there, you might as well make me look happy about it!
5. Finally, if you want to rig my hand up in some sort of waving motion, that would be cool. Or make my eyes open up via remote control, that would be swwwweet!
Irreverent thoughts? Perhaps. But it’s how I roll.
nikki out.
good day/bad day/good day
23 Aug 2011 1 Comment
The day started awesome. By awesome, I mean that for the second time in 17 months, Gavin and I slept until 10am. I cannot tell you how my love for him swells within me when he allows me to sleep in, I just wanted to kiss his face off. Then I stretch, and groan, and check my phone. The day gets rotten fast when I miss a text from Mom saying that my great aunt had just passed away. It was my Gram’s twin sister, she had finally lost her battle to cancer. It’s just rotten. Death is always rotten. So Gav and I fresh from our loooong sleep decide to cheer Mom and Gram, but first a little shopping. Mom came by and we went out hunting for things to make our kid-to-be rooms a little more kid-friendly. It was great, I got some really cute stuff. I’ll post pics when I get it everything in its proper place. Then in the evening we head to Gram’s who is obviously taking this loss super hard, and knowing that Gavin is a bright spot in her day, we make dinner and head to her house. (And by make dinner, you obviously understand that we picked up pizza.) A grand time was had by all, and on the way home I get this amazing text from a friend who is currently fostering my kids. That sounds funny to say out loud. My kids. But that was basically what the text contained, they are trying to get us approved for a special kind of adoption even before the parental rights have been terminated, and we could possibly get them before Nov 15- which is the next court date, and could be approved as their adoptive placement at that court date instead of a much later one (like 6 months later). It’s insane. Two weeks ago, when I prayed for my children, but I didn’t know that they lived in the same town as me. Or their ages, or their names. And now I have bedding and decor, and a heart full of love that calls them by name. And you know, I hesitate to document this, at least publicly, because my personal experience has taught me that we don’t tell anything until it’s a sure bet. And this, although promising, is not. However, I have decided that no matter what, these children are worth investing in, they are worth loving like crazy and feeling all giddy over. No matter what. Pray for us. Pray for a smooth transition, pray for the kids, and for their foster family who have invested in them and loved them for eight months they are incredibly special people. So, now I’m going to attempt to sleep, and wake up, although early…to another good day.
Adoption Update
18 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
Thanks so very much for all the encouragement to both Scott and I especially in regards to our adoption. I did feel like I should clarify. Scott and I have been certified to adopt through the state of AR for two years now. We had just finished up our part when I had Gavin. We are starting now the process of renewing the things we need to complete our adoption portfolio- getting us ready for a placement. We heard about an opportunity with the two children I mentioned earlier, and felt impressed to inquire about them. You would not believe the ways that God has already gone before us in this journey and the ways in which He is opening and closing doors as we speak. (I’ll save that story for a later time…oh yes, a teaser! ) At this time, nothing is for sure, nothing is final. We do not have “dibs” on those children, although we would love it if they were the ones God had for us. We are praying, we are seeking God’s direction for our family and we ask you to join with us to do the same. I love seeing God working in and through us, these are exciting times!
The middle.
17 Aug 2011 8 Comments
Where does one start in this blogosphere? The story is too long to begin at the beginning, yet we definitely aren’t at the end. So, we’ll settle for the middle. Who knows, I could get reminiscent and go backwards…which is likely, but for now we’ll start here. I’m Nikki and I’m 30 stinking 1, (that’s 31.) I live with my 17 month old Gavin, who pretty much bosses me around all day, everyday. He’s a super funny kid, and I have loved getting to be his mom. We dance a lot, and chase each other, and take turns hiding and scaring each other numerous times throughout the day. We also practice animal sounds and important words like “eyebrows,” just in case you think I’m not teaching him anything. The hubs is in “the Iraq” (which is what Southerners ’round these here parts call Iraq. Lot’s of things have “the” in front of them. Like “the diabetes”, “the big head”, etc…) I digress. Scott gets home one month from today from a 13 month deployment, and to say that we are excited about it, is a bit of an understatement. I sort of meant to be blogging this whole time he was gone. You know, talking about the perils of single parenting, but as it turns out, those same single parenting perils were busy whipping my behind, and I actually did not have the time, or emotional stability to “document” our lives. So, now it begins. Today was good. Gav and I had lunch with friends, then dinner with my ‘rents, then I mowed and weed-eated in the dark after I put Gavin down. Yep, it’s how I roll. Stuff has to be done and when one runs out of daylight hours, you just hold up a solar light in front of your push mower and hope for the best! I also called our adoption specialist and left a message, and I’ll probably do the same tomorrow and the day after that, cause that is apparently how the government works. Scott and I have decided to move forward with our adoption proceedings and are praying about an opportunity we’ve been made aware of recently. I’ll just go ahead and put it out there, because these kids need a home whether it’s our home or not, so we can all just pray toward finding them a forever home. It’s a little girl (2), and a little boy (4) with Downs syndrome. When I saw their pictures, I fell in love, they are just beautiful. Pray with us for these sweet babies. We know that God has called us to expand our family via adoption and we are super excited about the possibilities. And I admit, I’m a little excited about blogging. I know that 4.5 people are going to read it, and that includes my mother and grandmother…but I think it’s going to be a good outlet for me, and a way to keep our extended family in better touch. So, blogging, better late than never I guess! See ya on the flip side!
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